she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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