Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
