It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He has the fingertips of a God
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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