Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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