eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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