I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk is a universal language darling
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