How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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