Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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