Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
