I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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