I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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