am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
