how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
