I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
