my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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