Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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