It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
nutella sex= disaster
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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