I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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