ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
