That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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