No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
