His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
