How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
