its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
