he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
