Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
