You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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