She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
