Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
