At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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