Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
