Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize