Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
