Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Then you guys just all showered together...?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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