well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
