I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
