so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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