Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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