just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
