It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
