He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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