Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
