literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
