You smell like stripper and shame
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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