i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
