and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
