not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
