You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
