it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
