I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
