My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
