Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
