I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
