Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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