I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
