Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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