some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize