Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
