I got chris browned last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
