I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
